In this complex family tale, a Reddit user finds themselves at the center of a moral dilemma, torn between preserving a cherished family recipe and protecting their own feelings in the face of exclusion.
For context, the user has been in a loving relationship with their boyfriend, Nick, for nearly four years. During this time, they have been actively engaged with Nick’s family, joining in holiday celebrations and gift exchanges. The relationship seemed harmonious until a recent family trip brought hidden tensions to the surface.
As summer approached, Nick’s family prepared for their annual vacation, an event typically open to family members. Eager to be part of the experience, the user requested the opportunity to join and contribute financially to the trip. To their surprise, Nick’s mother, who was organizing the vacation, refused the request, asserting that it was a “family trip” and that the user did not yet qualify as family. Understandably, this exclusion stung, as it contrasted with their previous acceptance by Nick’s family.
Fast forward to a chilly autumn, and the user decided to share a cherished family chili recipe with Nick’s family. This dish had become a favorite among the family, enjoyed on countless occasions. The user generously prepared a substantial batch, ensuring there was enough for Nick’s family to savor and even take home. As the evening concluded, Nick’s mother asked for the recipe to prepare the chili for an upcoming work potluck.
However, the user, still grappling with the recent family trip incident, hesitated. Their reluctance to share the recipe stemmed from a sense of betrayal. Nick’s mother had made it clear that the user was not part of the family in the context of the trip. When asked whether they considered the user family, she had responded negatively. In this light, the user felt compelled to maintain a boundary by withholding the cherished recipe. A strained exchange followed, leaving unresolved tension between the user, Nick, and his family.
Now, the user seeks the judgment of the AITA community. Was their refusal to share the recipe justified given the exclusion they had experienced earlier? Or did it indeed come off as petty, as suggested by Nick? As this tale illustrates, the dynamics of family and the boundaries that surround it can be intricate, leaving us to question where to draw the line.
3 Comments
Sorry, you're TA. Look, you're not wrong to do what you did but you could have taken rhe higher road here but you didn't and that was petty. You should have been the bigger person here. I know it's not fair but, sometimes, life isn't fair.
NTA. She literally just said you weren’t family enough to join them on a trip that you are willing to pay your way for (I would understand her saying no if you were just expecting them to pay for you), and then she asks you to share a family secret when she just said that you aren’t family? I don’t think so. Also, the way it is written it seems like the mother was more understanding and Nick was the one freaking out…
Not the AH at all. Mom drew a line in the sand, and so did the girlfriend. It’s just 2 adults having a disagreement which is totally fine. If the MIL can say, “family only”, then so can the gf.