There are a lot of weird things about writing on new fast food and fast casual foods in 2020. Even trying to set aside that I don’t particularly think we should be dining-in while the pandemic is still going strong, a lot of the food made at restaurants will be deposited into a bag before it’s eaten.
You maybe aren’t thinking about it yet, but it should impact how you order. In almost every instance, your food is going from the counter to a bag to another location instead of straight to a table from the kitchen. So, a big, messy order of poutine or cheesy fries would be a mistake, as much as writing the word poutine made me want some instantly. I’m looking at a picture of Smashburger’s new Colorado Burger before I get in the car, and I’m thinking this too will be a mistake. By the time I get home — just 10 minutes from the closest Smashburger — I fully expect something that looks like a wet meat salad served in a paper bag.
The burger comes topped with green chiles, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and cheddar and pepper jack cheeses on a spicy chipotle bun. That’s a lot of stuff. I’m worried about the structural integrity. There are a lot of green chiles in the picture. I’m also worried about that bun. Flavored buns are a red flag for me. Sure, I’ve had decent ones, but if we’re talking about more than a little garlic, I assume the burger would be better on something simple.
I get there. I order. I carry the bag back to the car (and pop a Smash Tot in my mouth). When I’m home and unloading the meal onto a plate, I’m surprised. It’s held up well. It’s smashed a bit, but whatever, the place is called Smashburger. Everything is fine, and the bun isn’t sopping wet. Nothing is leaking out the side aside from a few chiles, but that’s just because there are a whole lot of chiles in there. The picture didn’t lie. All told, we’re in good shape.
One bite in and I’m not disappointed. The burger patties — I went with a double — are juicy for being pressed. Also, wow, there are a lot of chiles in there. Did I mention that? You aren’t ordering this and eating around the chiles.
A little sweat tastes air over the bridge of my nose. Though, I was prepared for a lot more heat than this. The advertising and the combination of a spicy chipotle bun, loads of chiles, and pepper jack cheese would make you think you’re clearing out your sinuses here. If you like heat, there’s something to like. If you like heat as a physical challenge, the rush of endorphins throbbing through capillaries, this isn’t going to provide the rush you seek. This is maybe best described as Minnesota spicy.
Still, I get it. I get why this is to some extent a cult-status order in Smashburger’s home state. It’s good. It’s got texture, it’s not too salty, there’s a boatload of cheese, it’s got a little heat. Though, it’s heavy. There’s a lot going on here and none of it is light.
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