Kumato salsa (Adjusted)

Ingredients

6 Kumatos

4 Roma tomatoes

1 Red bell pepper

1 white onion

5 Sishito peppers (home pickled)

4 or 5 garlic cloves

Handful of fresh cilantro

Smash of salt

Some cumin (optional, can't remember)

Splash soy

Couple drops of honey (accidental)

Instructions

Pickle Shishito peppers for a week, lactose method. Or just chicken out and do the vinegar in the fridge method.

Then, chop red pepper thick and throw onto low heat un-oiled pan. Then quarter onion, but after wife asks if "quarter" means in 4ths or the size of a quarter, question your life's decisions and throw her out of the kitchen and do it yourself. Throw that onto said pan. Regularly rotate and shake.

Remove seeds and innards of 3/4ths of the Kumatos and tomatoes. Chop them only a little. Have teenage daughter come in and say "don't put in so much cilantro this time." Defiantly cut a massive amount and hold it over the pan until she storms out. Set it aside.

After a really good sear of the bell pepper and onion, finely chop the pickled Shishito peppers, throw into pan with the Kumatos, tomatoes, and keep stirring and moving. Have mother stop in unexpectedly with a cooking mitt she brought back from her trip to Portugal and say "something smells good" and then when she sees what you're cooking say "oh, I can't eat spicy stuff," and leave in a huff when you roll your eyes and ignore her.

Stir until just before the episode of Family Guy is almost over and throw in only half of the threatened amount of chopped cilantro, and the garlic. Let simmer, then cool. Ignore the wife yelling from the other room about something, but then be told I gotta watch the kids while she takes the oldest* somewhere to do something I dunno what.

While it cools, salt to preference, maybe cumin but you can't remember because your youngest was threatening the older daughter with a plastic golf club over whom had control of the TV. As you're yelling at them, reach for what you thought was the soy and realize after a few drops it's actually the honey. Then a splash of soy. Mix.

Once cooled, put it through a couple of pulses in the food processor, then into jar. Eat a bunch of it because it's awesome, then have wife again ask what's for dinner. Throw a frozen pizza into the oven.